Short & Sweet: The Bookish Life of Nina Hill and The Mask Falling

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

This book might've gotten a slightly higher rating if I hadn't been in a reading slump, but the pandemic has been doing weird things to my reading. Anyway, I found the main character Nina highly relatable, and I think that was probably the stand-out aspect of the book to me. I felt like I connected with her quite well, from her love of books to her anxiety to her quirky sense of humour. Plot-wise, this is not the most exciting story, and Nina ends up with a lot of relatives who I had difficulty keeping track of. But I liked that by the end, Nina was opening up more to others and being more proactive in her life.

3 shooting stars.

      

The Mask Falling by Samantha Shannon

I found most of this book to be slower-moving than its predecessors; I feel like it was more of a stepping stone to set up the next stage of the story than its own contained plot. It did pick up the pace towards the end, though -- and that cliffhanger! Lots of lingering questions about reveals in the last few pages, for sure. I liked that we got to spend time in a new setting (albeit another Scion one) and met a few new characters.

4 shooting stars. 

         

All You Never Wanted: A Psychtember Review

 Patient: All You Never Wanted by Adele Griffin

Presentation (from Goodreads): "With my eyes closed and Alex's core friends all around me, it was like I'd become my big sister, or something just as good. And so who cared if they were calling it Alex's party? One thing I knew: it would be remembered as mine.Alex has it all—brains, beauty, popularity, and a dangerously hot boyfriend. Her little sister Thea wants it all, and she's stepped up her game to get it. Even if it means spinning the truth to win the attention she deserves. Even if it means uncovering a shocking secret her older sister never wanted to share. Even if it means crying wolf.

Told in the alternating voices of Alex and Thea, Adele Griffin's mesmerizing new novel is the story of a sibling rivalry on speed."

Assessment:

Axis 1. Characters

Adele Griffin is just so good at writing complex characters. Characters who do the wrong things for the right reasons, the right things for the wrong reasons, and the wrong things for the wrong reasons...but not so often the right things for the right reasons. Her characters are so flawed — but in All You Never Wanted at least one of the two main characters is one you can root for. 

The sisters: Alex is obviously the more sympathetic, likeable sister; she has a whole host of issues to deal with (which will be discussed below) and certainly shows some less than honourable behaviour, but she is definitely easier to like than Thea.

Her sister, on the other hand, is a real pain in the neck. She's the 'bratty kid sister' taken to an extremely toxic level. I never felt like she truly cared about Alex (even though she said she did), because she went around sabotaging her sister — trying to take her friends and boyfriend, be "better" than Alex, and capitalize on the fact that Alex is struggling. Thea is never satisfied; she always wants more, and the only reason she wants it is because Alex has it. This life of luxury she's been given has opened up a realm of possibility. Suddenly there's all this stuff that she never wanted that she has now, and it's almost like she doesn't know what to do with it exactly, but it makes her want more. And she begins treating people like objects, stuff for her to accumulate. I suspect something clinical is going on with Thea as well, so her behaviour will also be addressed in detail on Axis 4. 

I wasn't strongly connected emotionally to either sister, although I found Alex easier to relate to than Thea, but they're very flawed and multi-dimensional. The story is kind of irresistible anyway, though, because it's clear that these two sisters are heading for disaster.


Xander and Joshua: Xander is the one person here who's sensible, the voice of reason/sanity. He's Alex's "rock" in a way. He's pretty awesome and the day he and Alex spend together is cute. While he's not perfect (he does get angry at times), he's pretty steady, and certainly preferable to Joshua. I couldn't get a read on Joshua for a long time, but basically, he's a jerk. I never liked him that much and I don't think we're supposed to!

Other side characters: We don't really get to know Alex's friends, "The Blondes," that well, but they're pretty much there just to show us that Thea is trying to steal them away from her sister. Honestly, I don't know why Alex wants to hang out with them anyway, because they don't seem that nice; I guess Alex and Palmer in particular have a long history and a strong connection. I wish we'd seen a little more about the mom (and Thea's and Alex's connection with her) as well as Arthur. At one point it's mentioned that Alex feels so bad about disappointing Arthur and I was like, "Really? Because you didn't seem to care about him for most of this book..."

Axis 2. Premise/plot

I was really confused for the first few chapters, but then it started making more sense as I got further into it. The whole story takes place in this glitzy glamour world of money, that Thea and Alex were pushed into when their mom remarried. It's almost soap opera–ish in a way; you can see it playing out kind of like the TV show 90210 with all these really rich teens. It conveys that vibe very well, and it's difficult to stop reading (especially towards the end) because you can't tear your eyes away from this glittery, frothy life of these rich people — and how destructive they are in their opulence. This kind of life is tearing Alex up inside, even as she weakly tries to rebel, and Thea is just destroying herself. 

It would have been interesting to have seen more flashbacks to when the mom first remarried, and been shown the effect (as it happened) of the money on Alex and Thea. As Alex acknowledges at one point, the whole thing does seem very "poor little rich girl". I couldn't feel that bad for people who have so much, but on other hand, I guess I can kind of understand how it would completely change your world and how you live, messing with your values and making you doubt yourself. I think how much it changes someone would depend on the character of the person, though. Thea didn't have a strong enough personality to resist it, and was tempted by the money and everything it gave her. It's pathetic how concerned she becomes with what people think of her. I have a hard time buying it's just the money's fault; you can point your finger at the fact that her stepdad's so rich, but really, it's how she reacts to that — the money is just an excuse. 

Plotwise not that much happens here, but it doesn't really matter — it's rich in social drama. Plus, there's the party at the end, and you know that's where everything's going to go down. And does Adele Griffin ever know how to end a book! It's exploiting some shock value, yes, but there's a sickening sort of ambiguity at play here; you don't really know what happened, but you are certainly left to suspect. The very last couple of pages gives us a brilliant dose of irony by being juxtaposed with what just happened previously.

Thea is a mess at the end, and Alex's behaviour really says something about how much Thea has torn apart their relationship (although Alex is a little to blame as well for that). However, I had to feel bad for Thea in a way (that is, given a particular interpretation of events), because she is pretty young and doesn't know exactly what she's doing. She's cluelessly reaching for fire, thinking she wants it...and then she finds out that she doesn't. There's definitely a message of "reap what you sow" with this book, and Thea cannot for the life of her figure out that there will be consequences to her behaviour, and that she'll just wind up hurting herself.

Unfortunately, we don't get much resolution about Alex's psychological problems. It looks like she's taking the first steps to getting herself back on track and getting help, though.

Axis 3. Writing Style

I just get so impressed by Adele Griffin's books because she's a really good wordsmith and the quality of writing is always high. In particular, I have to commend her talent for subtlety. She's excellent at insinuating twisted things; it's almost like the spaces where she doesn't say something are as important as all the words she does say. It's masterful writing technique when you can make those blank spaces mean as much (or more) than the actual words.

Alex's chapters are written in third-person and Thea's in first-person, which is interesting, because I feel like I couldn't understand Thea's perspective and attitude as well as I could relate to Alex's. It took a bit for me to switch between the viewpoints for the first little while, but this approach works to separate the two perspectives and keep them distinct.

Present-tense is not usually my favourite, but here I think it really gives the reader that sense of immediacy; the time passing is important because it all happens over a fairly short period. In particular, Xander's and Alex's relationship develops very quickly, and yet despite that we see they share a meaningful emotional (and physical) connection.

Some of the description in here may seem somewhat unnecessary, but it balances out some of the really important things that happen "off-screen" (otherwise it would be really short and simple!). There's also a fair bit of brand name–dropping (they are rich people, after all) which didn't do anything for me, since I didn't get most of the references; some of the slang was lost on me as well.

Griffin is great at creating meaning with fresh or unusual analogies/metaphors, and her writing feels quite powerful; it's not really a book to skim, because you could miss something important. She writes warped behaviour so effectively. I don't know how she does it, but somehow she manages to pull it off really well, so that instead of interpreting the characters as so unbelievable or unlikeable you don't want to read about them anymore, you're sucked in, wondering what they're going to do next. She also uses the unreliable narrator technique to good effect a couple of times, tricking the reader very nicely (spoiler: there are a couple scenes when Thea thinks up a lie, but you don't realize at first she's making it all up in her head, because it's written as though it's real, woven right in there).
 

Axis 4. Psychological Accuracy

The psychology here is mind-boggling — there are so many issues that both sisters are dealing with.

Alex: she definitely has some kind of anxiety disorder, specifically related to the fact that she's worried she will lose control of her bladder in public. While she does appear to have something akin to panic attacks, I don't think she'd qualify for full-blown panic disorder. She certainly displays some symptoms present in a panic attack — pounding heart, trembling, jumbled thoughts — but I don't know that she has enough, or to the extent, that they would meet the criteria for a panic attack.

What I suspect may be going on with her is agoraphobia without panic disorder. Symptoms of anxiety can still occur with this, but they are not at the same level as panic disorder. This page about the disorder states that the individual is afraid of something embarrassing happening in public, and gives a loss of bladder control as an example. Of course, it might also be possible Alex has a form of social phobia or a specific phobia — it's difficult to say without a diagnostic interview! Regardless, what happened to her at the internship was absolutely humiliating, and I can see how that would make her feel ashamed and set off an anxiety disorder that snowballs.
 
Alex also shows hints of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). She has a need for perfection; she was always the admired, sociable sister that everyone looked up to, and while she didn't excel academically the way Thea did, she was planning on going to college. Now she's scared of losing control again and being imperfect. I doubt she is at the clinical level of OCPD, though.

Alex's phobia has led to other difficulties in her life. For instance, she barely eats at all now, because she wants to keep herself "void" to decrease the chance that she will have a repeat of the previous incident. I don't know if it would be classified as an eating disorder — it certainly isn't a typical case of anorexia, as Alex doesn't have body image issues — but it has similar effects. She's unhealthily thin and her menstrual cycle has become irregular. These kinds of problems are not touched on in most YA "issue books", so it's refreshing to see something more unusual being focused on.

Thea: she is such a weird, twisted character. I suspect she might have histrionic personality disorder. She craves attention, going so far as to invent the most outrageous stories and spreading hurtful rumors. Pathological lying can be associated with histrionic disorder. It seems like she does a lot of rash, self-flaunting things, including flirting with her sister's boyfriend.

This behaviour particularly happens when she's being "Gia", this "alter ego" of Thea's who makes her feel like a sexier, more confident person. She's aware of Gia, so I wouldn't classify it as dissociative identity disorder, but there are moments with hints of dissociation, and she certainly feels like she's playing two different roles.

It's creepy that Thea can be so cold and ruthless, and yet she has her innocent, naive side as well. We very occasionally see glimpses where Thea's real self (or at least her old self) comes back — for instance, when she feels guilty about something. A lot of the time, however, she just wants to be a manipulative Queen Bee. I wish we'd seen more of Thea before and witnessed the change in her; it's pretty sad what she's become. I think I would have liked her a whole lot more back when she was "bookworm Thea".

Validity Score: How psychologically accurate was All You Never Wanted?

Axis 5. Miscellaneous 

The girl on the cover doesn't look like either of the sisters, in my opinion. (But it is a striking image!) Also, I think All You Never Wanted is a really good title for this book, as it works on a few levels.
 

Patient's statement:

"Everyone knows your written story is a lie. But if you're going to get people to believe your lie out loud, then you have to muffle them in your breezy, shocking, junky, juicy, sexy, needless words. As for your darlings? That's the goo of anticipation. What sticks 'em to their seats. And the whole entire point of the project is that you're launching yourself into the void. Spitting in blood and crossing your heart to vouch for an experience you'd never known. That you couldn't feel, touch, or taste until the moment it was on your tongue and you realized — Everyone is buying this crap. Even me.

It pumped me up just to think about."

Diagnosis: 4.5 shooting stars. 

This book counts towards my goal for the Just Contemporary challenge. 

Disclaimer: I received this book as an ARC from the author for review.

Note: this book has some mature language/references. 


Read my Psychtember interview with Adele Griffin here!

Psychtember Interview with Jennifer Brown (and Giveaway!)

Jennifer Brown, author of Hate List, Bitter End, and Perfect Escape, is dropping by the blog today with an interview for Psychtember! I reviewed Bitter End for Psychtember last year and Perfect Escape this time around.

Here's a little more info about Jennifer and her most recent YA novel Perfect Escape:

"I've pretty much always been a dreamer, lining up my dolls and stuffed animals on the stairs and "teaching" them things. I had imaginary friends (which was good because we moved pretty often and I pretty regularly found myself with few real ones) and would hold "conversations" with them. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was telling them stories, and it was my favorite pastime.

I never wanted to be a writer (I was going to be a teacher), even though I was always writing. My first story was a short story, written in 4th grade. It was two pages long, hand-written, and my characters had names like Donna Schlieigermeigssterkks. I showed it to my grandma, who loved it so much she called my aunt on the phone and read it to her. Even though Grandma was cracking up while reading it, I was hooked by the celebrity of it all. Since then, I've always written, even when I thought nobody would ever read any of it.

Writing didn't turn into a dream until about 10 years ago when my husband, Scott assured me people wouldn't laugh at me. Turns out, he was wrong. People laugh at my writing all the time. It's just... well... I'm a humor-writer... laughing is what I want them to do. It also turns out he was right. Sometimes I can write serious stuff, too." (from her website)

"Kendra has always felt overshadowed by her older brother, Grayson, whose OCD forces him to live a life of carefully coordinated routines. The only way Kendra can stand out next to Grayson is to be perfect, and she has perfection down to an art -- until a cheating scandal threatens her flawless reputation.

Behind the wheel of her car, with Grayson asleep beside her, Kendra decides to drive away from it all -- with enough distance, maybe she'll be able to figure everything out. But eventually, Kendra must stop running and come to terms with herself, her brother, and her past.

With undeniable grace and humor, acclaimed author Jennifer Brown explores OCD, the pressure for perfection, and the emotional highs and lows of a complex sibling relationship." (from Goodreads)

Now for the questions...

1.) Perfect Escape, Bitter End, and Hate List are all contemporary YA books tackling issues related to mental health and psychology. What motivates you to write stories involving these kinds of emotionally hard-hitting topics? Do you think you'll continue to write in this vein, or do you ever see yourself switching gears entirely to another style or genre?

The things I write about are things that real teens are encountering every day. I think it's important to talk about tough issues and how we can overcome them. Knowledge truly is power, and the first step to making change, and I like writing books that can help get a discussion going. Also, my wish is that my books, tough as the subjects are, will provide some hope to young adults who are experiencing the things my characters are going through.

I do think I'll continue to write these kinds of stories, always, but I love to try out new things. New styles, new genres, new audiences all interest me, so I definitely hope to write some stories in different genres as well.

2.) You clearly do your research when it comes to the psychology of your characters' behaviour. Do you find it a challenge to balance communicating facts/knowledge about a disorder or issue with making your characters and their interactions believable? If so, how do you approach this hurdle?

I actually think really understanding a social issue or the psychology of my characters helps me make them more believable. In general, what works for me best is understanding everything I can about what makes my characters tick. When I have troubles, it's because I don't know them well enough. The hurdle can sometimes be making sure the story isn't too "textbook." What is most dramatic isn't always what's most realistic. It's a fine line to walk.

3.) The term "OCD" appears a lot these days in pop culture and the media, but it's not always used correctly, resulting in misinformation about the disorder in the general public. If you could ensure that readers remembered one fact about OCD from Perfect Escape, what would it be?

I think a lot of people confuse perfectionism with OCD. You hear people say, "I've got a touch of OCD" when they really mean that they're perfectionistic about something -- they like their things kept just-so, or their house super clean, or they don't like to touch door handles of public restrooms and so forth. But OCD can be a debilitating anxiety disorder that can really interrupt someone's life. Some people who have OCD are, in many ways, held hostage by it. They might spend hours each day washing their hands or brushing their teeth, they might not be able to leave their houses or will spend so long with their rituals before leaving their houses that they're chronically late and will lose jobs and relationships or so forth.

I also think it's really important to remember that a person who suffers from a mental illness is not only that mental illness. It can be so easy to get frustrated or frightened or just want to condemn a person for their struggles, but as Grayson showed in Perfect Escape, there are lots of complexities and emotions that come with mental illness, not the least of which is the desire to be out from under it.

Also, it's important to me that people understand what it's like growing up alongside someone with mental illness. Sometimes it can be easy to ignore the "well child," in favor of the one who needs more attention. Like Kendra, sometimes siblings of someone who struggles just want to be heard, be validated.

4.) It's unusual these days to see a YA novel without a central romance, but in Perfect Escape the focus is on the brother-sister relationship of Kendra and Grayson. Were you concerned that this might negatively affect the appeal of the book to teens? What qualities would you say Kendra's and Grayson's relationship embodies that would not be present in a romance?

Really, none of my novels have much of a romantic element. You get to see glimpses here and there of Nick's and Valerie's relationship before the shooting in Hate List, and you get to see the buildup of Alex's and Cole's relationship in Bitter End, but neither of those novels really have any sort of central romance to them.

Honestly, I'm not even thinking "romantic relationship" when I sit down to write a novel. There are many relationships outside of romantic ones that are interesting and important to teens. I get a lot of reader comments about the relationship between Valerie and her younger brother, Frankie, in Hate List, so I know that teens do care about sibling relationships. I know that romantic relationships are important to teens, but so are best friend relationships, parent relationships, extended family relationships, work relationships, and sibling relationships, so I wasn't worried about teens being able to relate.

I think one thing that Kendra's and Grayson's relationship embodies that romances might not is ease. They're both comfortable just being themselves and saying what they're thinking, and not worrying about "looking good" to one another. This lends itself well to humorous moments as well as touching moments, and I think it helps us to see all the nuances of the characters a little better, because nobody is putting up any sort of front.

5.) If you could match up two characters from any of your three published YA novels — either romantically or just as friends — who would you pair, and why?

I would try to match up Grayson with the Alex, Zach, Bethany friend trio in Bitter End. I think they would accept him for who he is, and I think he could use a few more friends.

6.) You've got two more YA books coming out in the next couple years: Thousand Words, about a teen girl caught in a "sexting" scandal, and Torn Away, about grief in the aftermath of a tornado. Can you give us a few hints about what to expect from either of these?

These are two very different novels. In Thousand Words, you can expect to see what happens when a bad breakup turns into a worst nightmare. It's a worst-case-scenario of what could happen when a naked photo goes viral and gets labeled "child porn." In Torn Away, my main character, Jersey, loses everything in a tornado, and spends the summer being shuttled around to various family members. It's a story about family, and love, and acceptance.

Thanks so much, Jennifer, for these thoughtful replies to my questions!

Jennifer has kindly offered up *signed* copies of both Bitter End and Perfect Escape for giveaway.

So, here's how this is going to work:

- There will be TWO winners. Each winner will receive one copy of Bitter End and one of Perfect Escape.

The rules:

- Entrants must be 13 years or older.

- Open to US only

- One entry per person

- Following and tweeting are not necessary but always appreciated!

- Ends Oct 10, at 11:59 pm EST.

- Winners will be selected randomly and contacted by e-mail

To enter, please fill out THIS FORM. Comments are wonderful but do not count as entries.

Perfect Escape: A Psychtember Review

Patient: Perfect Escape by Jennifer Brown

Presentation (from Goodreads): Kendra has always felt overshadowed by her older brother, Grayson, whose OCD forces him to live a life of carefully coordinated routines. The only way Kendra can stand out next to Grayson is to be perfect, and she has perfection down to an art -- until a cheating scandal threatens her flawless reputation.

Behind the wheel of her car, with Grayson asleep beside her, Kendra decides to drive away from it all -- with enough distance, maybe she'll be able to figure everything out. But eventually, Kendra must stop running and come to terms with herself, her brother, and her past.

With undeniable grace and humor, acclaimed author Jennifer Brown explores OCD, the pressure for perfection, and the emotional highs and lows of a complex sibling relationship.

Assessment:

Axis 1. Characters

Kendra: Honestly, I found her pretty annoying through most of the book — not so much in terms of personality (although she does act kind of sanctimonious, like she knows best), but more in terms of the choices she makes, some of which are obviously poor decisions. For instance, going on this very unplanned roadtrip and worrying her parents like crazy. That made me mad, because it's so inconsiderate; I wanted her to think about other people for once! She's quite self-centered, and even towards the end she's not really thinking about what they'd be going through. Sure, she's in contact with them periodically (and rather sporadically), but she hardly gives them any information at all. I rather suspect this sort of perspective is fairly common in teens though, where they can't stretch their minds beyond their own little bubble to try to think about what their parents might be feeling.

In Kendra's defense, by the end she does think about what it would be like to be someone else — specifically, Grayson — and she finally takes in what he's saying. I'm glad she at last came to a certain realization (spoiler, highlight to read: that she can't "fix" her brother and shouldn't really be trying, that she was creating a "shadow" for him as well, and that she hadn't really thought about how it must feel for Grayson), but it took a long time! For all the pondering she does — and yes, she can be very reflective, spending a lot of time thinking about Grayson's and her motivations and behaviour, etc. — the girl is quite dense in some ways. Plus, oddly enough despite all this personal reflection, she also makes these rash decisions that seem like she's not really thinking things through at all!

I also wish we'd gotten more insight into Kendra's problems in striving for perfection. She recognizes why she does it, but I would have liked to have better understood how a certain plot got started (spoiler: the cheating storyline. As it is, it seemed like a subplot thrown in there to show that Kendra wasn't perfect, and just didn't seem that well-formed. I felt like we were missing something.)

In some ways, Kendra's very immature, but in her personal analysis she can be too mature for her age sometimes. Her level of insight is a bit too deep to be believable for a teen. 

Grayson: Jennifer Brown does quite a good job of portraying an individual with serious obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It's difficult to discuss Grayson without talking about all of the psychological aspects, so an in-depth look at his character is below, on Axis 4.  

Kendra and Grayson: It's refreshing to see such an involved brother/sister relationship; it's unusual for that to be the focal point of the story in YA. Obviously in some ways Kendra and Grayson don't understand each other very well, and with Grayson being in and out of treatment they haven't seen that much of each other. When they were younger, though, they had a fairly healthy relationship, and it's good to watch them trying to renew that towards the end. There's also a bit of interesting role reversal going on, since the older brother is the one with a mental disorder; this changes the dynamic of a traditional older brother/younger sister relationship. 

Rena: I'm not sure how I feel about the addition of Rena (and Bo) to the big picture, since they seemed stuck in there more just to flesh out the cast than to have a storyline in their own right. However, I did like Rena as a person, and she makes a good contrast to Kendra — in some ways they're similar, in others quite different. Rena's a stranger, and has no history with Grayson, so she can treat him differently than Kendra does. Her role as a teen mom reflects the theme of responsibility, which ties into other aspects of Kendra's life. I must say, though, that Rena's and Bo's story could have used some more resolution; I was still curious about how things turned out for them by the end.

Axis 2. Premise/plot

The pacing of this book is really, really molasses-like slow. At least until the final few chapters, when everything comes to an emotional head. When they first start out on the road trip, there's a little bit of momentum, but then there's a huge chunk in the middle where frankly, not much happens. They meet Rena, they wander around, they stay at crummy motels, they swim in a stream, and Kendra tries to cure her brother's OCD. There's also a fair bit of repetition in Kendra's introspective analysis of herself and her brother. It would be good if she could actually accurately analyze herself, but it takes her a while. Basically, I like the idea of the premise here, but not the execution.

I thought there should have been more exciting plot points happening — after all, it's a road trip! But this is probably the worst road trip I've read about. The emotional stress that the characters are undergoing means that no one is really having any fun for most of it, and that means the reader isn't either. Basically, it's a depressing road trip. 

I wish we'd seen what happened once they returned home, both in terms of the fall-out from Kendra's past transgressions (spoiler: the cheating-on-exams fiasco) and in terms of Grayson's next steps. It would have been nice to have gotten some indication that he would be returning to therapy/treatment. He obviously has trouble functioning in some situations due to his anxiety disorders, and that's something he should get help for, particularly as it's affecting the rest of his family. The family dynamic is complicated, but we don't really get to see much of the parents, unfortunately. I hope that Kendra and Grayson tell their parents what they told each other, because while they try pretty hard to be good parents, they're not going to know everything going through their kids' minds.

There's no central romance, and while I do like a romantic plotline in my books, I think a romance would have been out of place here. It would have hijacked the whole storyline involving Grayson's OCD and his relationship with Kendra, and that is obviously the heart of this book. Not all YA books need a romance, but a lot have them, and it's kind of gutsy of Jennifer Brown to write a YA without one. (On the other hand, it might have moved the plot along a little faster!)

As for the Zoe subplot, I enjoyed the final climactic scene where Kendra defends her brother; it was nice to see her finally stand up for him, because in her own head she does a lot of blaming him and being ashamed of him. I also liked how this storyline was resolved — it's different and a little unexpected. Spoiler: it was somehow rewarding to see that Kendra wasn't so attached to Zoe and their history of friendship that she was willing to let bygones be bygones. Kendra makes the choice to dissolve the friendship, and I appreciated that she doesn't act like the perfect friend.  

Axis 3. Writing Style

I didn't think the writing style was anything really special. It's somewhat repetitive, and while the quality of the writing is pretty good, the style itself is fairly generic. It's easy to read, though, and towards the end the drama is handled quite well.

I would have welcomed some more description of the places they go (minus the motels — we're told enough about those). I know that the road trip isn't really the point of the story, but more detailed description of the scenery might have been nice. 

The dialogue is authentic for the most part, and the emotions the characters display are quite realistic. This is especially true for the interactions between Kendra and Grayson. Jennifer Brown does a good job of getting into the head of an individual whose brother has OCD, and exploring the different layers of emotion that would accompany someone who has to deal with all the consequences that come from living with him. Even when Kendra and Grayson have a "heart-to-heart," the author doesn't go over-the-top into super sappy. Really, the last couple of chapters were some of the best because all of the emotions are finally coming out after having been damped down by both characters.

Axis 4. Psychological Accuracy

For someone trying to understand classic OCD, and what it's like to live with a family member with a serious form of it, I think this would be a good portrayal to read. Grayson displays several symptoms of OCD as well as what I suspect is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). We're told that he struggles with anxiety disorders and depression in addition to his OCD, but we're never told the specifics. I'm not so sure about the depression; he has a pretty low mood generally, so perhaps he is dysthymic, but I don't know that he qualifies for major depressive disorder.

His anxiety disorder symptoms are numerous. For starters, counting and arranging are compulsions for him, making me inclined to say that he has a symmetry subtype of OCD. Grayson also struggles with germs, so he may have the contamination subtype as well (it's difficult to say if his issues with germs are GAD, OCD, or both). Grayson has a variety of compulsions he performs — counting the number of steps he takes, counting rocks, counting numbers out loud, having one rock in each pocket, and others.

Some of Grayson's OCD behaviours make a certain sense to him. For instance, he believes he needs to quit counting on an even number to keep people safe ("He told me a year ago that if he stopped counting on an odd number, even accidentally, it meant that someone he loved would die"), which is typical of OCD. However, even Grayson himself doesn't know why he does certain actions. For instance, Kendra at one point asks him why he starts arranging rocks on the car dash; his response is a simple, "I don't know...It felt like I needed to." This "just right" feeling is fairly common in individuals with OCD. Kendra also raises the interesting point that Grayson can develop a new obsession or an old one can return, which I think is true of many individuals with OCD.

His worries — about dying of disease, danger in crossing overpasses, natural disasters — seem to fit with GAD. The focus here is definitely more on his OCD, though, since that is the more obvious issue he is dealing with. I wish we'd seen more of his other anxiety disorders separate from the OCD, but obviously in someone co-morbid for two or more anxiety disorders, there will be some entangling of the disorders. There's overlap and interaction going on, so you can't tease them apart from each other fully. That's actually illustrated quite well here in that you can't exactly separate Grayson's OCD from his GAD (and whatever else he might have), and there are obviously certain themes that cross disorders. For example, his concerns about germs seem to crop up in both in his OCD and GAD symptoms. Still, it would have been helpful to have been given a standard psychological explanation for his other anxiety disorders. Kendra mentions that he "what-ifs" and catastrophizes, which are definitely associated with GAD, but we're not privy to much detail.

Grayson also presents with a symptom that I wasn't aware was associated with OCD, but apparently can be: a throat-clearing tic. I did a little bit of research and there is an overlap in patients diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome who have OCD symptoms, and vice-versa. In fact, it looks like certain researchers have designated a specific set of symptoms "Tourettic OCD." I'm not sure that Grayson would fulfill the requirements for full-blown Tourette's syndrome, but his throat-clearing tic (and perhaps his need to tap) might qualify him for "Tourettic OCD" in addition to classic OCD. Since we're not reading the book from Grayson's perspective, we don't really know what sensations or cognitions he's experiencing, so it's difficult to say if some of his behaviours fall more into the "tic" category or the "compulsion" one.

Occasionally he'll also have an emotional/mental meltdown, which I suspect would be considered a panic attack. I think in Grayson's case these panic attacks are more strongly related to his GAD symptoms, although he also gets flustered and anxious when his compulsive rituals are interrupted.

One can't really separate Grayson from his symptoms, since they're a large part of who he is at this point in his life. However, we are shown that he has a great personal interest in rocks — and unlike his sister Kendra, who calls him a "rock junkie" at one point, I don't think that aspect of Grayson is really part of his OCD or other symptoms. Yes, he likes to count rocks, but I think the obsessive-compulsive aspect there is the counting more than it is the rocks. After all, sometimes he just counts numbers on their own, or the steps he takes. I wish this distinction had been made clearer.

Also, it should be noted that Kendra really shouldn't be trying to treat her brother.  She has no credentials or training, and doesn't even fully understand what exposure therapy is. Plus, her personal connection to him makes things even more complicated. There are just so many ways in which it could go wrong — and Jennifer Brown shows us this. It's good to see, though, that Grayson has a sense of responsibility about his own disorder and recognizes that he needs his medication.

Validity Score: How psychologically accurate was Perfect Escape?

Axis 5. Miscellaneous

Personally, I found Bitter End (which I reviewed for Psychtember last year) more gripping. Perfect Escape just doesn't have as much driving it, giving it momentum.

Patient shares symptoms with: Compulsion by Heidi Ayarbe, A Scary Scene in a Scary Movie by Matt Blackstone, Lexapros and Cons by Aaron Karo

 

Patient's statement:

"I couldn't count how many times I'd watched Grayson do this. When I was little, I used to wait until he was finished and then run up beside him and brush my hand through the lines just to mess them up. It made him cry and his face always got beet-red and I thought it was funny. But by the time we were ten and thirteen and he was spending sometimes four hours a day lining up his coins and pulling out wads of his own hair in frustration because he couldn't get them perfect, it wasn't funny anymore. I spent a lot of those nights sitting next to him with a ruler in my hand, helping him move coins such minuscule degrees I couldn't even see the movement. Is this good, Grayson? Does this make you happy?"

Diagnosis: 3 shooting stars. (This is my rating for the story overall, not specifically the psychological aspect.)

Disclaimer: I received this book for review from the publisher.

This book counts towards my goal for the 2012 Just Contemporary reading challenge. 

Psychtember Interview: Jessica Martinez

I'm pleased to welcome Jessica Martinez, author of Virtuosity, to the blog today for a Psychtember interview!

A bit about the book:

"Now is not the time for Carmen to fall in love. And Jeremy is hands-down the wrong guy for her to fall for. He is infuriating, arrogant, and the only person who can stand in the way of Carmen getting the one thing she wants most: to win the prestigious Guarneri competition. Carmen's whole life is violin, and until she met Jeremy, her whole focus was winning. But what if Jeremy isn't just hot...what if Jeremy is better? 

Carmen knows that kissing Jeremy can't end well, but she just can't stay away. Nobody else understands her--and riles her up--like he does. Still, she can't trust him with her biggest secret: She is so desperate to win she takes anti-anxiety drugs to perform, and what started as an easy fix has become a hungry addiction. Carmen is sick of not feeling anything on stage and even more sick of always doing what she’s told, doing what's expected. 

Sometimes, being on top just means you have a long way to fall...." (from Goodreads)

And a bit about Jessica (from her website):

 

I was born and raised in Calgary, Canada. As a child I  played the violin, read books and climbed trees incessantly. I went on to study English and music at Brigham Young University, and since then have been a high school English teacher, symphony violinist, elementary school teacher, violin teacher, and mother. I currently live in Orlando, Florida with my husband and two children.

And now the questions...

1.) I understand you studied violin when you were younger. Did you, like Carmen, struggle with performance anxiety? How did you deal with it?

I did struggle with performance anxiety, but not to the extent that Carmen does.  I think it’s something all musicians deal with on some level. 

As a child, I found performing to be stressful but manageable.  I definitely got nervous, but I had been doing it since I was so young that it wasn’t something I had to think too much about. 

But then when I was about twelve or thirteen I became aware of myself on stage in a completely new way.  I suddenly felt so judged and vulnerable up there.  And not only was everything about me was under intense scrutiny, but the stakes were getting higher and higher at the same time.  I’d practice a piece for a year, but it could be all be ruined in one careless second, with one tiny mistake.  That pressure had a huge effect on my playing.  Things that had been completely natural before fell apart, and I had a few horrific performing experiences.  Really horrific.  Twenty years later, I’m still cringing.  Yes, that horrific. 

In the end, I just had to work through it by doing more of it.  I can’t sugar coat the process.  It was painful, embarrassing, and sometimes heart-breaking, but I had to keep getting up and trying again.  Neither my teacher nor my parents would have suggested beta-blockers, so that was never an option that I explored.  Eventually I did learn (or re-learn) how to perform.

2.) The anti-anxiety drug (Inderal) that Carmen takes is a beta-blocker, which is not physically addictive. Yet the psychological addiction that Carmen develops is still very potent and troubling. In your opinion, what are some of the misconceptions surrounding a drug that is only psychologically addictive? 

The main misconception would be that she could just stop without experiencing withdrawal symptoms.  But Carmen is taking Inderal to mask severe performance anxiety, so when she stops, all that anxiety is still waiting for her.  It’s made worse by the very real withdrawal symptoms of her psychological addiction.  She thinks she needs it, therefore her body needs it.

I should clarify that Carmen’s experience with the drug is extreme.  Many musicians use it occasionally without feeling like they need more—in fact they are in the majority.  However, I personally know musicians who experienced what Carmen did.

3.) Carmen feels ashamed about her use of Inderal and keeps it a secret from several people, including Jeremy. Is this a typical reaction for performance musicians taking anti-anxiety drugs? Or is the use of these drugs so common in the industry that there isn't a lot of stigma attached to it?

This is such a great question, but a tough one to answer. 

Some musicians are vocal and unapologetic about their use of beta-blockers.  In my research for VIRTUOSITY I came across an article written by a professional musician who plays in one of the best symphonies in the country.  He defended his use of beta blockers, arguing that they didn’t make him play better than he otherwise could, but that they just calmed him so he could produce his best work.  There are plenty of musicians who take this view.

But in my own personal experience, musicians are more secretive about it.  When I was Carmen’s age I was aware of at least one of my friends being offered beta blockers by her teacher, and I knew of adults who took them regularly.   It wasn’t talked about openly though, and for that reason it’s hard to say how widespread it was amongst my peers and colleagues.  I read one article that suggested as many as 40% of musicians in professional symphonies have at least tried beta blockers.  That statistic seems high to me, but since it’s something most people aren’t shouting from the rooftops, it may very well be accurate. 

I’m one of those who believe learning to perform is part of the art.  It sucks, I know.  There are few things worse than being truly terrified on stage, but I think conquering that nervousness separates musicians from true virtuosos.  That said, I understand the pressure that leads people to take beta-blockers.  There are many shades of grey with this issue, and I think it’s much more complex than steroid use in sports.

4.) What advice would you give to a musician facing performance anxiety?

Don’t give up.  That sounds corny, but I have heard “I just can’t perform.  I get sooooo nervous,”  from a lot of people.  And then they go into a long list of how horrific it feels when they have to get up in front of an audience. 

The truth is everybody deals with nerves, and it never entirely goes away.  It shouldn’t, actually.  The right amount of nervousness gives you adrenalin to get through a performance.  But I think many people underestimate their brain’s ability to learn from each performance, even the ones where it felt like the nerves won.  So my advice is to keep at it.  It isn’t painless for anyone, but the performers who succeed are the ones who are willing to push through.

Some other advice: pre-performance routines are good.  It’s comforting to eat the same food, or do the same type of warm up, especially if it worked well for you the last time.  How superstitious you want to get is up to you.  My sister may have actually had lucky underwear that she wore for piano competitions for YEARS.  Eventually, my Mom had to chuck them because they were full of holes and too tight.  On a more sane level, a lot of people meditate or visualize the performance from beginning to end too.  That might be better than lucky underwear.

5.) Have you ever been forced to choose between music and a relationship? What did you do?

I haven’t.  I’m lucky enough to be married to a non-musician who understands that my love for music is central to who I am.  He knows that it’s the same way with writing too.  That’s a good test for men actually—a good man will love the things that fulfill you.  If you’ve got a man that’s jealous of the other things that make you happy, that’s not a good sign.

If I did have to choose (assuming he wasn’t the one making me do the choosing, because that would make him a loser) I’d pick whichever I thought would make me most happy.  That sounds obvious, but it’s easy to lose sight of happiness as the goal.  It took me decades to learn this, but music isn’t actually happiness.  WHO KNEW?  It’s just a vehicle.  If it’s making me happy, then it’s a good one, but it’s not the only means to happiness in my life either.  I think the same can probably be said for relationships too.  Obviously, I’m not suggesting people and passions be discarded when things get tough.  I just think it’s good to stop and evaluate how happy the things in our life are making us.

Thanks very much for taking the time to give these excellent answers to my questions, Jessica!